About the Author (an exclusive outtake from my upcoming book Meltdown in the Cereal Aisle and Other Stories)

DAVID V. MATTHEWS graduated summa cum laude from Heffelberg University with a Ph.D. in non-simulacral fiction.  His first book, Impaled by Redwood Toothpicks, won the Jarretstein Medal for most auspicious debut novel.  His other books are Berating the New Dempstown Off-Ramp, the featured subject of the legendary Megregian Conference; Lava Showers and My Rugged Umbrella: Essays, which Synecdoche critic Ralston Yates characterized as “the ne plus ultra of post-post-subjective anti-monocultural retro-futurism”; and Rattle on, O Rusty Screen Door, Rattle On, illustrated by Lanit Certificate winner Jorst Dellagall.  In 2004, Mr. Matthews received Norway’s highest creative honor, the Crystal Auk, for what that country’s minister of artistic progressivity Malena Skarbovick called “a rich and varied career of unapologetic individualism.”  He is currently Hensley Kent Vandermeer distinguished professor of creative writing at Pipenhagen Arts College.  Mr. Matthews lives in the Langjahr Artists’ Colony near Willow Spring Valley with his wife, the acclaimed theoretician Susan Rethlake, and their cat Miss Frostbutter.

DR. DAVID V. MATTHEWS graduated ultra cum laude from Living Word University with a PbB. degree in divine communications.  He is the creator and supervising author of the J.C. Strong® novels.  J.C. Strong®, a secret government cyborg with attitude, is one of the most popular Christian action-adventure heroes in recorded history.  The seven novels in this series have had the combined capacity to sell almost forty million copies.  In addition, Dr. David V. Matthews Presents J.C. Strong® Volume 1: Homeland Security will soon become a major motion picture with computer-generated special effects, with Brett Henderson (Patrol Officer Jag Williams on the original Shorecop Hawaii) scheduled to consider starring.  Dr. Matthews also served as a research consultant in the pre-planning stages of Dr. Jake Houston’s upcoming documentary Obama: The Kenyan Antichrist.  Dr. Matthews has received more Ooh-Yeahs from praycool.com than any other Christian author and will likely be one of the first inductees onto the American Faithblazers Wall of Fame.  He lives in Lynchburg, Virginia, with his devoted wife Rebecca, their children David Jr., Mark, Joshua, Noah, Ezra, and Ezekiel, and a Doberman pinscher named Goliath who barks only at the unsaved.

DAVID V. MATTHEWS is a classically-trained ocarina player who has garnered praise from Earworm, Pluggin, Music Mess, Sound Quality, Deaf Leper, Punk You Very Much, The Indecipherable Times, the Pittsburgh City Paper, Buzz Off, Ravings of a Mad Custodian, Amy Steinberg’s Fabulous Party!, Bingo Bango Bongo, How Darling, Tune Me Up, The Wall Street Journal, Necrocomix, Boo Boo Chute, Grey Legacy, Raging Testosterone, Postmortem Funnies, Tiananmen Chiropractor, Sextime Laffs, Crunky Slugs, Iraqi Stud Missile Launcher, Now We’ll Chuck a Haymaker, Damp Squibs, Subliminal Virginity, Tastes Like Teem Sputum, Pathetic Fish, Unicorn Mountain, yo.bro, (serendipity), Ultrabeige, White Courtesy Phone, Needlepoint Magazine, Dentifrice International, Very Very Vegan, Your 2nd Husband, Gallagher Made Me Smoke Crack, RBGP: An Abbreviation That Doesn’t Mean Anything, The Spectrum, Bug-Eyed Muenster, The Complete Ally McBeal Fan Fiction Collection: Volume 8, Philately Gives Me a Boner, Our Own Special Brand of Confusion, Hump with Hemp, Skydive into Obscurity, Burn down the Disco, The Kato Kaelin Generation, Sentient Shoelaces, the Drudge Report, El diario de los inútiles, Die grüne Migräne, Váš zvedavý bratranec, Самоанализ Сотрясает Мой Мир, and Pump.  He lives in the French Riviera with his wife, the supermodel Dominique Lea, and their cat Tintin.

DAVID V. MATTHEWS lives in Western Pennsylvania with his cat Zima.

Copyright © 2012 by David V. Matthews